When close friends leave the church

For some of us who have been in church for some time, it is not uncommon to experience close friends leaving the church.  Whatever the reason, it will feel saddening to people who have known them for years.  How can we best manage the loss when close friends leave the church? The anchor question that helps me process my thinking is, "How can I respond in a way that best honours God in this situation?" Here are the principles I have consolidated.

1. Be anchored in God during painful moments

When close friends leave the church, it is natural to feel a sense of loss and pain, which is particularly acute for those who knew them best. Pain is a necessary process in healing and we should be prepared for this season.  Here are some verses that encourage me to anchor in God during painful moments:

• Psalm 46:1 — God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.
• 2 Corinthians 1:3 — Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort.

2. Pray for our church leaders

One of my greatest concerns upon hearing news of people leaving is how my church leaders will take it because they may wonder if they could have done more even when that is not the case.  It helps to let our leaders know that we are supporting and praying for them to continue ministering faithfully during this period.

3. Look out for fellow brothers and sisters

The next group I'm concerned for is my brothers and sisters in church who will feel this loss to different degrees. Not everyone will be affected the same way, and not everyone will want to talk about it, but it is still good to check in with people and see how they are doing.

4. Remember the positive things about those who leave

Amid the sadness, one thing I try to keep in mind is that those who leave are people for whom Christ died (Rom 14:15; 1 Cor 8:11), so I want to remember and appreciate their past service to our church even though we are no longer in the same one.

Closing

We cannot control who decides to leave, but we can treasure the people who remain. May we, as one church, "grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ, from whom the whole body, joined and held together by every joint with which it is equipped, when each part is working properly, makes the body grow so that it builds itself up in love" (Ephesians 4:15-16).